Trigger Warning: Depression, Anxiety
COVID-19 and quarantine has been very difficult for a lot of people, me included. I have been having a difficult time with the lack of structure in my life. The lack of structure has been making it difficult to take my meds regularly, and at one point I have been taking my meds only twice a week. Not having my medication has been taking a toll on my mood and I been spirialing. I have had trouble getting out of bed, the isolation from everyone else was also difficult. Also always working from home made it for me to stop working. I have always worked too much, however before the quarantine at least I have been able to leave work and relax at home. Now work has been just bleeding into my home life non-stop. The days have been blending together and time started to lose all meaning to me.
It gotten to the point where my therapist strongly insisted that I needed more help. I have been able to use some of my sick days and vacation days and then have took short term disability and started going to a Partial Hospitalization Program at Thira Health. The program was full day nearly every day for 6 weeks. Addressing my trama and being emotionally vulnerable on a daily basis, has been exhausting. I have been coming home and having trouble doing anything more than crying in bed.
Today, now I am doing better. I finished the program which helped me build skills to better deal with depression, anxiety and stress inducing situations. I have been back to taking my meds everyday which helped my Mental Health greatly.
I worry now that despite all of these skills that I would be unable to make my life better. And if that is the case I don’t know where I would go from there. I feel like I am running out of places that I could escalate to if I can’t become better.
For now though I am concentrating on healing.
If you need, please seek help from family, friends. therapists or the suicide hotline.